Unspoken Words

Undoubtedly, I have had the greatest time of my life since the end of 2012 up to 2015. Why is it the greatest period of my life? I get to live passionately and to keep pursuing what I believe is great work. Nothing was in my mind except the ambition and the constance pursuance for accomplishments. Aside from that, I was surrounded by family and friends whom I treasure so very much. All those late night meet-ups with them, being in school from 9am to 11pm, I love all and everything I did. I know, that at this point of time I shouldn't be feeling this way. I mean, I am living in this great city. It's Milan, one of the biggest fashion cities in the world. I should be embracing and taking on lots of adventures. But right now, it's hard to feel this way. It is the first time in my life to actually be alone, someplace so far away from home. I've always thought, I had a great level of emotional resilience. I naively thought, I can live alone.

I was dead wrong. Being here in Milan, taught me so many lessons both in life and work. I have so much more respect for Asia these days, I started to embrace what I thought was boring. I started to value my family more and what I realized is, no matter how far I go and how much I've achieved, all those mean nothing if I don't have them by my side.

Another huge lesson I've learned,  is to build an actual emotional resilience. I had been feeling dead lonely, very lonely to almost reach the point of depression. I called everyone I know each and every day. This action, led to both the good and bad things. I revived my good relationship with my best friend of high school; I feel we are so much closer now even when we only talked on the phone. The downside though, I almost and perhaps had destroyed a friendship. It was only until a few days ago, I started to gain back bits of my emotional strength. I did lots of self reflections and to actually admit and embrace my mistakes. I feel that everything gets better once you admit what you've been lying to yourself. I started to accept myself as a whole, I am not who I am today without the negative sides of me.

Moving on from my emotional issue, I was hit by a huge realization just recently : starting a fashion business requires a huge amount of capital. A few days back I was cultivating ideas, I was eager to establish my label as soon as I graduate. I have amazing ideas I'd like to execute, I have huge dreams; my visions and missions which I consider as game-changing. I was very much excited for what's to come.. But the issue of investments and the amount of capital needed is no joke. I was thrown out of my excitement and enters a depression mode yet again. I couldn't sleep well since last night, thinking how will I execute my dreams. The destination is there, but figuring out a way to walk my way through is a huge question mark. I am suddenly hit my multiple uncertainties, doubts and discouragements. What should I do? I've yet to figure out the answer to this. But one thing for sure, is I need to pour all these thoughts out. Writing is my best remedy to feel better again, and here I am now.

You know, all these time, I really want to become an inspiration to many. I was eager to become somebody important, so that I can inspire and to help push humanity forward. Having to be born in a developing countries, I grew up in a discouraging environment where all dreams went to die. I had to be the core motivation to myself and to prove everyone wrong. Perhaps I had done what I wanted, but to me the journey has yet to reach its end. Still, there's thousands of milestones I want to achieve.

Anyway, I am feeling a bit better now after writing all these out. Just seconds ago, I realized something whilst writing this post : I should view these uncertainties and doubts as the most exciting period. After all, what matters most is the journey, not the destination. So there goes me trying to convince and calm myself down. Brava Silvia! #lol

Last but not least, please don't take this as a complain coming from me. I am very much happy living in one of the most exciting fashion cities and regardless of all these, I'll continue to pursue my dreams. 

Silvia TehComment