Hidden Thoughts

I haven't been blogging for a looooong time,  due to my lack of free time and the thoughts of having to offend somebody with what I've written. Well, I do think too much sometimes. However, this time I would like to share with you a piece of my thoughts that I have been enduring never to bring up again. 

I seriously could not help myself to understand why the status of wealth is so important in this society today. It's ironic to even think about how our society has changed. It is no longer one's integrity, determination and achievements that are valued but instead, wealthiness and social statuses are being valued more. There are always 2 things that people assumed I am; the rich or the poor girl. 

I have been seen as the poor girl on the block ever since I was young, particularly because I am raised in a very humble family whereas I was educated at what I'd like to believe as the best school in town and many of the upper, middle and lower class students were mixed together; since it is a very big school with around 50 students per class. However, there are more students from the mid-upper family. 

My father did not own a car back then. I go around town by motorcycle drove by my father while everybody go around town with cars drove by their chauffeurs. Did it affect me? Yes it did. My friends looked down on me simply because my family did not own a car, and I did not get to live my life splendidly as others do. I constantly felt the pressure to be on par with everybody else and because of that, I started to hurt my parents with my attitudes. With the peer pressure, I started to spend more than what is given, went out with friends almost everyday, and got into certain fights with people. 

I am not proud of who I had become. From a low profile 13 year old, I changed into somebody who was trying to climb the social ladder and to make myself look as rich as those kids. Ironic wasn't it? But thankfully I did meet friends that truly accept me for who I was and am now. 

Up to this day, I know that there are certain people who still consider me as poor and wonder how the hell did I manage to study in Singapore. You see, this is one of the reason that makes me despise society. After all these time when I've managed to strive for the best, achieve everything I can, I am still being judged as the poor kid trying to make her way up to the top. Do money really define somebody? If you think financial statuses are more valuable than one's ability, that simply shows how narrow-minded you are (no offense)

However, apart from being labeled as poor, recently I am being labeled as one of those rich Indonesian kids; FYI I did not try to make myself look wealthy.  Who I am today hated the idea of being judged as poor or wealthy. I am so very sick of people saying I'm rich and trying to take advantage of that. I was naive and weak-hearted; whenever I see somebody I am closed to or have helped me is having financial issues, I will help. Unfortunately, people start to make use of this as much as they can. As inconsiderate as it is, never for once did the thought of how hard my parents earned that money cross their mind. Wealthy or poor, my parents do not just sit around signing sheets of paper. They do not sit around and fart diamonds. 

Why can't I be associated with those measurements of good or bad? Why can't it be about level of intelligence or integrity? Why does it always have to be the wealth that people measure? 

I am not a part of society if this is how society is now. 

Measure all you want, but I am not disclosing my financial statuses. For what my father has is solely his, and for what I have is solely my dreams and integrity. Poor or Rich, I am no longer living under the judgement of society.

Silvia TehComment