Words, and what it can do

I should say, that it is no secret that i don't have talent in me. Hell, i'm not even creative. I notice it early in my life and all along, i have been doing a lot of things to prove it wrong. But as it turns out, once you have no talent there's nothing i can do to change it. Perhaps i can cultivate it, but i am not too sure about it either. I was so sad knowing i don't have the talent, when i am very passionate about fashion and all of the works behind the scenes. But as a consolation, i know for a fact that i am more hardworking than everyone i know. I know that at a certain point in my life, hard work is not going to be enough. But what can i do? Even though i don't have any talent, i have to keep on going because this is the only reason i live. There is no giving up nor turning back, because i can't imagine my life without the fashion industry. Even if i turned out to be unsuccessful, i still wanted to create outfits for those strong, independent women. I wanted to change the perception of woman as a weak being. I wanted to create apparels that can boost their self esteem and for them to feel like they can conquer the world. And for them, i will fight.

I know that the roads ahead will be very tough and i will face a lot of struggles along the way, but i love what i do and i will do whatever i can to achieve it. Even when it means less sleep and to double or triple my hardwork. Sorry mom, i am too ambitious. This might leads to me being so in distressed and i might lose my sanity, but without this, i can die too. One way or another, i only have one destination and i live to pursue this. 

Sometimes i wonder why do i make my life harder. I can just live a normal life, settle down and move on with life. But.. i choose to go far beyond and to see how far can i go. 
Why can't i be one of those vain girls who only worries about their looks, their hair and their love life? Why can't i live an easier life? The answer to that is, i don't want to be just another pretty girl. There's a lot of beautiful, young girls out there and i just don't want to be one of them because i know for a fact that beauty fades, but intelligence stays.

Anyway, on a special note i'd like to thank my mom for being one of my biggest supporters. Thank you for believing in me all along and thank you, that you never for once, judged me for my views. Thank you for being there and no matter how ridiculous and high my dream is, you're always there to support me.  And to my dad, i know it is hard for you to accept the fact that i am way too ambitious and i can't do things you expect me to do. I am a different person, from a year ago to now. The old me died, dad. She died long ago, and the now me is this. The insanely ambitious, work - addict young woman. I do not ask for money, for you to support my studies but at least, i ask for your motivation. All along, i am very much self - motivated. But do you know that no matter how self - motivated i am, there are times when i am so very vulnerable with words that could put me down and tore me apart? Others may say that i am not talented, or i am just in luck, but i need my parents to have faith in me. 

Others even judged me, of how can i be the top 3 finalist of an international competition. They said it's just my luck, and how can my designs with no innovations, no creativity be selected. That words hurt. There are a lot of people out there who are trying to put me down, but no matter how hurtful those words are, i have no other choice but to keep going. I dedicated my life to this and if i don't have any talent, so be it. I have to finish what i started, and i want to die doing what i love. 

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