A Life in Crisis

You know.. Some people see me as a talented person but i've never for once thought i am a person with talent. I'm not saying this to flatter myself, but really, i have a very conservative mind and not creative at all. I'm never good at making scrapbook, of how to decorate it creatively and in terms of design especially i cannot design couture clothing. That's why i have a minimalist aesthetic, because i'm not creative enough to be able to design interesting garments. All of my achievements now doesn't come from whatsoever talent. It all comes from my hard work and i cannot stress this enough that i really work my ass off to achieve all those things. You don't know how many sleepless nights i've spent, how much tears i've cried out, how many times i thought about giving up, how many people i've shut down from my life, how many problems i encountered along the way and how stress i was. It doesn't come in a blink of an eye and it's never been easy for me either. So i think it's unfair to me if people think how easy i get things and how hard it is for them. 
None of you have any idea how i spend my days and you should be grateful for the life you have right now. Even if you're not good at doing schoolwork, i know for a fact that at least you have a better life than mine. At least you are surrounded with good friends, good people, you spend your days with laughter and less stressful. My life in the other hand, is a crisis everyday. I get paranoid over little things, i spend 70% of my life stressing about my problems and honestly, i sometimes cried silently at night. I have so many problems at a time that i have to cry it out. All of these are embarrassing to admit, but do you really want to have a life like mine to get good grades at school? I don't have anyone to rely on because everyone will disappoint me eventually. But at least school doesn't. My passion and my dream never disappoint me. That's why i hold on to it so tightly that i choose to live this way. So be happy for the life you have and for what you get. 
Anyway, I can't help but notice that some people are trying to compete with me and i don't know how many times i should say this but i don't compete with anyone and no matter how many times you're trying to compete with me, i'll still be ignoring you for sure. 

To make this post less depressing, here's my outfit for yesterday. Black Dungaree and plain white Ts from Topshop, shoes from Charles and Keith, and socks from HnM :)
Silvia TehComment