Life's a bitch

I haven't been writing for a while and it is because my biggest dread came true a few days ago.
Remember the time when i told you that i was so happy but with a sense of awareness that things might fall apart? Yeah, they did. I can't tell you the exact story, but the thing was that i put too many expectations in it. Things always ended up horrible whenever i put high expectations in it and it kinda bumps me out. I mean, seriously, for once in a while i need to have high expectations because it makes me feel better about myself. The need to expect to the lowest doesn't feel good at all even though when things turned out great would made me feel happier. But seriously God, can't the thing that i expect to happen, happens even just for once?
I was putting many expectations in it that when i failed to reach it, i just felt like killing myself. It was so  very disappointing and it feels so unfair. I haven't had anything great going on so far, with my last heartbreak, betrayed and being lied to, i just wanted this thing to work out. But life doesn't go as i planned. Things go wrong and i can't do anything to go back in time. I literally feel like not having any expectations at all from now on and just live my life in the lowest expectations possible if that's what God wants me to think of everything.

Anyway, i feel better now. I figured out i'd have to face the fact eventually and live with it. But i'm still not quitting tho. No matter how bad reality treats me, i just have to fight that bitch. I've been fighting with it in my entire life and i'll fight on.
Silvia Teh2 Comments