Somewhere along the line

So i guess it has been a while since i last update anything? 
Well, actually i have been writing some posts for the past few weeks but i only write it down without actually posting it for the public to read because i don't really want anyone outside of my good friends to know what exactly is happening to me, about how do i feel about certain things these days and some things that i wrote actually sound a bit sarcastic while i've said before that i don't want to sarcast anyone in this very blog, so there goes my reasons for writing without posting.

I went back to my hometown last week but i'm in Singapore now. I went back for 12 days and my trip back home this time wasn't as bad as last time. I wasn't as bored as last time and i wasn't as stressful as the previous trip. Let me tell you something, i was really depressed and frustrated when i first went back home last year and i'd rather not talk about it. However, my most recent trip back home was nice. I spent more of my time with my family, and some time with my friends. I didn't tell many of my friends about me going home tho. But anyway, even if it was nice to be back home i can't shake the feeling of discomforts with the people there. We have a vastly different point of view and it's sad for me to know that only a certain people agrees with my opinion. The thing is, most of the girls there aren't aiming to be successful in terms of career, but instead they aim for the rich guys and i hate to say this, but i'm actually really sick of hearing about how rich those guys are, how mature they are, how successful and how good their family are. I don't want to hear and participate in that kind of conversations anymore because i clearly have no interest in anyone else's richness. No offense, but i think it's a bit too materialistic and too early to talk about how you wanted to score a rich future husband. I am not being sarcastic here, but this is really what i see. During my trip back home, all that the people have been doing is gossiping about almost all of the couples in town from the lamest to the most famous, from the poor to the richest couple. I even overheard a couple of 14 years old girls gossiping about how a girl wanted to score her brother while i was queueing for coffee. 
Can we please, for once, stop talking about scoring guys and most importantly, talking about how rich people are? There's no need to investigate how much money a person have and how great their families are. The most i can talk about is how handsome they are and that's it. 
It's really boring to talk about these stuffs, but sadly that's the only thing i can talk about with them. Some of them don't even bother to ask how am i doing and keep talking about those boring stuffs all day long and i was obligated to participate in that conversation or we won't have anything to talk about for the rest of the day. But, thank god some of my friends aren't behaving like so.

Anyway, i'm not saying that it's wrong to dream about scoring rich guys but i just have to disagree with such point of view. Even some of them disagree with my point of view and actually said i'll end up being #foreveralone with my point of view. For those of you who have no idea what my point of view is, i wanted to be successful on my own term. You might already know, i have a really big dream and it's so big that sometimes i'm really scared of it. I wanted myself to be able to achieve my dream, to be able to stand on my own feet and to be successful with my own efforts. Talk about marriage, i don't want to wait for my husband to give me money each month. I don't want to spend everyday cooking, cleaning up and taking care of the kids. Those are the scariest activities for me because what i want is to spend everyday in my office and doing the fashion-related job i've always dreamed of.
I know it's too early for me to say how i wanted to live my life later in the future, that somewhere along the line i might changed my mind. But no matter what, i won't want to rely on anyone because somewhere along the line i figured out that at the end of the day no one will be there for me except myself. For these past few months, which have been really hard, no one knows how frustrated i am or how hurt i am and eventually i rely on myself to stay strong.
That is the path i'm choosing and if some guys have a problem with it, i'm still not going to change who i am just to impress them. So for you guys out there who share the same point of view with mine, let's fight for it together. Even when everyone disagree with your point of view, just follow what you think is right because at the end of the day you're the one being responsible for your own future. 

Silvia TehComment